Personal Effectiveness

Read this mail when ur mind is at rest..Give full focus to this mail.



Learn To Be A Winner Everyday, In Every Situation


In any competition, what is it that makes a winner stand out from the rest and walk away with the spoils? Think and you will realise there is a big lesson to be learnt here. There is an intangible asset that makes all the difference in the world, between the ordinary and the exceptional. Waiting to get your hands on that asset? For one thing you do not have far to search, it is right there within you. All that you have to do is bring it out consciously.

Identify winning traits and try to adopt them
Read about and talk to those who you see winning. Analyse their attitude and behaviour and compare it with what you yourself would do in a similar situation. Pinpoint how by doing things differently you can make that difference between losing and winning.

Let us take an example here. Chaya came away from a presentation she had made, feeling that hardly anybody had listened to her. The person giving the next presentation, however, was asked a lot of questions and his presentation ended with a resounding applause. She did not let the situation bog her down. Instead of feeling despondent and jealous, she managed to rise above herself, identified the strong points of his presentation and tried to change the way she did hers. She practised at home in front of the mirror and co-operative friends. Her next presentation did definitely go off well and as a result of all the practice she found herself speaking out more often and more confidently in public.

A powerful tool – all yours to use as and when you want to
The human mind is a very powerful tool and the best thing about it is that it is at our disposal to make use of whenever we want. Properly routed, thought processes can be an effective learning experience. Chaya's conscious choice of appreciating and learning from her more successful colleague made all the difference. Had she reacted differently, in a negative way, she would have ended up feeling miserable and as a result the quality of her personal and professional life would have suffered.

Be open minded enough to admit that there is always room for personal improvement and growth. And any positive change will automatically reflect positively on all facets of your life.

Impediments to success
Distraction from the goal is the major cause that hampers success. Train your mind to focus on the goal. Remember if you are unable to concentrate while studying for an exam it is your fault not the fault of the person who may be playing loud music. Are you not able to read a suspense thriller on a train with all its accompanying noises? Why then does a bit of loud music take your thoughts away from the task in hand. The answer is simple – the amount of interest you had in the suspense thriller was much more than what you have for your studies.

Stop and think, aren't exams important? Is it not imperative that you do well in it? Make attempts at studying well. Use techniques like splitting your lesson into parts and 'conquering' one part at a time. Focusing on your task and becoming so involved in it will make you totally oblivious to any amount of music being played. Tune out distractions. Did you know that this is a part of the training that athletes training for sports events undergo. They have to perform in front of huge crowds. They train themselves to not let the crowd distract them. They focus on the task ahead of them and the best one wins. Do you find the prospect daunting? Go in for some specialised training, where such concentration techniques are taught. It is never too late to learn.

The power of visualisation
Positive thoughts are very important in taking you on the right path to success. Our mind is capable of visualising almost anything. Capitalise on this and begin visualising success for yourself. Let the image of you as the winner be your inspiration and guiding thought. This is a technique that participants of sports meets often use. Canadian swimmer Mark Tewksbury admits to having used it often and the result? A cache of medals.

Experts say that the more detailed your visualisation, the better is its effect. Visualise your actions leading to success. Visualise expressions, your feelings and even the responses of those around you. Does not day dreaming about something pleasant leave you feeling good? This will have the same effect. Actually it will fetch you the desired effect, as this is conscious day dreaming. This structured 'rehearsal' of a series of events can be as effective as rehearsing for real. You may even imagine obstacles and see yourself overcoming them. This will prepare you for handling obstacles when you are actually performing the task.

Always remember that winners are not necessarily people with better skills, but people who put their skills to better use. The effort to do your best counts and can make all the difference between winning and losing.


Put Yourself On The Path To Change



Change may be the only permanent thing in life, though there are many who can't look change in the eye. But it is not difficult, if you follow the points mentioned here.

Change is something that most of us shy away from. The reason could be that the changes are, very often, forced on us. What if we changed ourselves by choice, rather than compulsion?

Well, before that, you might want to know why we should change ourselves. Change is basically a change in our perception of life changes. Once our perception changes, our attitudes and belief systems change. Vedanta scholars say that once one's attitude changes for the better he has located the first step towards self-realisation, the ultimate goal of man.

There is only one master key to the door called 'changing oneself' and it lies with the individual. Nobody else can do it for him. At best, outside factors can influence a person, but change has to be wrought by the individual.

Any change is possible when one is aware, when one knows where and when to apply the knowledge that one has gleaned. Knowledge comes when a person has sifted and sieved information that he has gathered. For this too, one needs to be aware of what's important, relevant and so on.

In other words, awareness is not something that springs to a person at a particular age or stage. It is something to which one remains sensitised and which increases as one's knowledge increases.

There are five stages a human being generally goes through before change happens in him. The first step is crisis. A diabetic has to change his diet and his style of living when the diagnosis has been made. The moment he accepts the necessity to change and decides to respond to the call, he has crossed the first step.

The second stage is hard work. This calls for a lot of mental exercise. For the diabetic, he has to first get his goals in view. What are his immediate goals? Live, and comfortably too, enjoying life as best as he can. His homework begins here. He has to become aware of the necessity of change, the consequences that he may have to face in the event of not changing and the changes that he will have to implement. He has to change his diet, take his food, medicines and injections (if advised) on time. His activities should allow him time for these necessities. If he does not change his life style, he could land up with other debilitating or life threatening diseases that could cramp his living. He has to make his choice. It is a mental decision at this stage. While it is possible that one may feel overwhelmed at the very thought of changing, there is no escape from the fact that he has to do it.

Making a commitment to yourself about going ahead and implementing the changes is the third and most important step in the process of change. The relief that comes with making the decision defies description -- it has to be experienced.

Consider this -- you have not actually implemented the change you desire. But if you are able to take a concrete decision it will enhance your self-worth.

The fourth stage is the temptation to backtrack, because of the pain that you did not bargain for. There may be moments of frustration when you will be tempted to give up and go back. 'Let the kidney fail, I'll face it then. I can't take this regimen now', is a frequent cry that diabetics give vent to. Push yourself. Ask a kidney patient or a relative about kidney failure. The diabetic will soon realise that saying a firm 'no' to temptation is worth it. The miracle will happen.

A diabetic patient cannot be cured, but he can control the disease by diet control, exercise and medication. With such a lifestyle you won't need insulin injection.

The last factor is the realisation that you have changed and are comfortable with it. Nobody other than you can know how much and against what odds you have succeeded in changing yourself.

The other miracles are not far away. That is your first and greatest reward. The power of the knowledge that you have changed. Enjoy your triumph.






Developing Patience


There was an amusing scene I was witness to recently. There were two women, a college going girl and her mother, who were talking to the tailor. They were clarifying some doubts, asking for the bill and so on.

Soon there descended two groups of women. One from each group happened to be very pushy. While a woman from group one pushed past the girl, barged into the shop and began to pull out clothes, the pushy one from the second group leaned heavily on the mother, almost pushing her. The mother put up with it for a short while and then turning around told the woman, "Excuse me, I don't think either of us is interested in breathing each other's carbon dioxide. Could we have a little space between us?" The pushy one glared. The tailor was amused and he couldn't suppress his laughter; he shooed away the woman who had barged in.

Might is not right
Somehow the entire scene set me thinking. How inadequate we are, when it comes to basic manners and good conduct. How we let impatience rule us, without the slightest thought about the others. How insensitive we are. Take any queue. The one for the auto rickshaw at the railway station, for instance. Invariably, there will be one smart group that will outsmart all and jump into a rickshaw, pushing past everybody. As if might is right. Can't they spare a thought for the women waiting in the queue lugging huge bags, the senior citizens who are waiting patiently for their turn?

Time is precious for all
Is time precious only for a select few? It invariably happens at the queue for a railway ticket or a cinema ticket. There will be a smart one who will ask you (if you happen to be up front) whether you will pick up tickets for him as well. And if you tell him you can't do that or point to those waiting immediately behind you, he will begin to get abusive.

Do not let them cow you down or bully you with their choice words or dirty gestures. Time is precious for every human being, be he a millionaire or a slum dweller. My maid is always on the run.

Develop patience as a habit
Most times, patience is not merely a virtue. It is a habit that needs to be consciously developed.

In case, you really need to jump queue, be polite about it and ask for permission to do so. Needless to add, the reason has to be legitimate and justified. If it not sufficiently justified, please wait for your turn. Every person in the queue has the same one pair of legs only, on which they've been standing. The heat is the same for everybody. Spare a thought for the person at the centre, be he the tailor or the one issuing tickets. If we don't form a queue and let fresh air pass, can you imagine how suffocated he is going to feel?

All that we need to do is to learn to respect the feelings of others, be sensitive to them and respect their time as you would want them to yours.



Measure Your Work And Increase Productivity


Knowing exactly how much work you do in a given time period can tell you a lot about yourself. Using a timesheet can help you in this task. Timesheet- a tool to measure who did how much and when. Not only that, it is a tool, a look at which can pinpoint those who have not been productive enough. The concept has been around for a long time now. Karl Marx recommended measuring the value of work by quantifying the amount of work done in an hour's time. The method is commonly adopted in many factories and other production units. However the concept has not been applied satisfactorily in places where the number of white collar jobs are more. The work performed by employees is looked at as a whole. There are no specific methods used to quantify and qualify work.

There are many personal services that we avail where work is charged by the hour. In such a situation there is optimum productivity as the buyer is also conscious about it. He will demand maximum work so that he does not have to pay more. For those who are not answerable to anyone about productivity, measuring their output per hour will definitely help them spend their time in a better manner. An increase in productivity every hour will automatically mean more time on your hands that can be put to use in any way you please, either for more work or for relaxation.

Distinguish between and classify your activities
And when you are recording your activities by the hour, do make a distinction between 'activity' and 'productivity'. For all you know you may have been extremely busy but when you look for work done there will be nothing tangible to show. This is because whatever it was that kept you busy was not productive in terms of work. Agreed that it is not easy to demarcate between activities as productive and non-productive. But a sense of awareness in this direction will certainly help minimise unproductive activities. Some time is always spent every day working towards the main goal of production, for example a meeting where certain essential points are ironed out. This activity may be unproductive in the sense that you will probably say, "no work got done, I was in a meeting". However it probably adds to your productivity say the next day, when you sail through work because some problematic aspects have been ironed out.

A timesheet can strike terror in the heart of an under achiever
Using a timesheet for one's own use is for self growth, but when the same thing is done by an organisation for its employees it has many positive results for the organisation. The one major event will be accountability. At any given time the person who performed a particular task can be pointed out and asked to explain his actions. This will automatically result in employees carrying out their tasks with greater responsibility. Individual performances will start reaching higher levels of efficiency when the timesheets tell a story of time spent but not much achieved. The other side of the story is that this is basically the reason why employees resist attempts at introducing the system. No one likes to be hauled up for under achievement.

Timesheets are a great tool if used in the right spirit. This tool can be used by anyone anywhere - at work, at home, at schools and colleges too. The result will be the same - an increase in efficiency and productivity




Fitting Multiple Tasks Into Your Time Schedule


Too many things to do and too little time to do it in. A common situation that many of us find ourselves in. At times the situation becomes overwhelming. A person with many tasks to do at the same time can be likened to a juggler juggling many objects simultaneously. And if you have seen expert jugglers at work, they easily add on to the number of objects that they juggle, without stopping the juggling activity. Makes you admire them and marvel at their ability right?

Well, most of us are jugglers too. We juggle tasks day in and day out and at the end of the day if all the tasks on our to do list have been satisfactorily finished we may classify ourselves as expert jugglers other wise well, we just need more practice.

Choose your tasks with due care
Just as jugglers chose the objects they fling up to catch, you must fill your to do list with tasks chosen with due care. Analyse each task that you take up and see whether it is really your responsibility or it has been palmed off to you by someone else. It happens very often. While it is not wrong to help out others once in a while, anyone who makes a habit of loading their work on you should be discouraged. Do remember that at the workplace you have a well-defined role to play. And specific activities are assigned to you as per the requirements of the role. When you take on extra responsibilities do so after contemplating the toll taken on your time, resources and energy. Think about the juggler. When does he take on an extra object? Only when he is ready for it, that too the extra object is included at a specific time, angle, amount of force etc., so that it does not upset the other objects that are being juggled. All extra tasks that you pile on to your plate should be like that. They should not upset your earlier schedule. Exceptions to the rule would however be new tasks that overshadow everything else in importance. In that case make way for it by removing something less important from your schedule. What do you think would happen if you handed a juggler an unfamiliar object in the middle of his act? It would probably bring his act crashing down. The probability that he may be able to handle it is always there, but the probability of the act being brought to a premature end is more.

Prioritise your activities with the importance that they deserve
It is very important to prioritise your activities. Assume that your typical working day is a jar into which you have to fit stones of various sizes, the stones denoting the tasks to be performed by you. Logically speaking the largest stones should go in first, so that when you later add the smaller stones they can go and occupy crevices and gaps and all the stones will fit in. If you do the same thing randomly you may end up with a full jar but with a few stones left outside. Translated into real life the large stones that you drop into the jar first are the most important jobs that just have to be done. The size of the stones decreases with the level of importance attached to a task and the excess stones are incomplete tasks.

At times we find it difficult to say no at the workplace and as a result get overburdened with activities ill matched with our skills and work profiles. Beware of falling into such traps as you end up complicating your schedule and increasing your levels of stress and worry. This will in turn tell on your efficiency for tasks which you otherwise perform in a better manner.

Break down large tasks into small manageable wedges
Try popping a whole 18-inch pizza into your mouth. It may have your favourite topping but still all of it in one go is not possible. The same rule applies to the tasks you have in hand. Even if you have the right kind of talent, aptitude, etc., if you break it down into stages, you will be able to perform better. This can be equated to eating your favourite pizza wedge by wedge and savouring every piece of it.

Traits that can bog you down
If you try to swim with heavy stones tied around your ankles how successful do you think you will be? Not very, right? The weight of the stones will keep pulling you down. There are certain traits that each one of us has that are similar to the stones tied to the ankles. These traits are tendencies towards postponing things indefinitely – procrastination in other words; laziness, a disinclination towards planning, an ever present chaos due to disorganisation and the like. These habits can be major impediments to success and need to be guarded against carefully. These traits are not easy to get rid of and maybe none of us will ever be fully rid of them. What can be done is to train you to a certain sense of awareness so that you can objectively look at yourself and sense the presence of the 'stones'. Whenever you find yourself avoiding a certain task due to any of these 'stones', break down the task into small manageable chunks and go through it one at a time.

The importance of planning and organising
Every morning try to put down on paper the tasks that you need to perform. Assign priorities to the tasks. Try not to avoid tasks that you have no particular liking for. Take a fresh look at them, analyse why you feel as you do. If you really dislike it, maybe you should do away with it as otherwise the guilt attached to it might hamper your performance of other tasks. Be pragmatic enough to evaluate whether or not the responsibility is yours. If it is not, be bold and resourceful enough to turn it over to the concerned person. If not then do it with a positive attitude giving it your best shot. Do not however be harsh on yourself and push yourself beyond limits to complete tasks. Certain unforeseen, unplanned for circumstances may hamper the smooth functioning of your plan. Learn to take them in your stride and prepare and execute contingency plans. Planning and organising things before approaching a task is like slashing the stones from your ankles and being able to swim freely.




Rules Will Never Be Broken If They Are Made By --- You


Rules, the very mention of the word makes you want to revolt and break through. Do this, do that, do not do this, do it only this way and not that way… an endless list. Rules, especially those formulated by others and imposed upon you make you want to flout them. We are forever looking for loopholes to escape from them.

But then they are a much-needed part of our lives. Try imaging a life without rules. What would happen if there were no traffic rules or say no rules to govern where we should dump our garbage? The result would be utter chaos, right?

Rules do exist and are essential for the smooth functioning of our day-to-day living. They are necessary for maintaining a certain amount of discipline in our lives, as we go about various tasks. It is the latter type of rules that we shall discuss here.

All of us will agree about rules of any kind anywhere being useful but being so difficult to follow. Well, there is a way out of it, befriend those rules. How? Let us take a hypothetical situation here. Assume that you are about to embark on a new project that requires you to put in three hours of work everyday for twenty days. You already have a tight schedule chalked out encompassing your daily activities. But this is your dream project, one you have always wanted to do. What would you do? If you really wanted to do the project you will somehow find the time and energy for it and finish it well in time and to the best of your ability too. Look back and see; it has happened at some time or the other to all of us. Now, on the other hand if the same project is thrust on you by say your teacher in college, deadlines and all. What then would your reaction be? You grumble about the lack of time, resources and what not. If you do finish the project in time it will be due to the tag of marks/grade attached to it.

What is the difference in both the situations? Both ways the job got done. But there was a subtle difference. In the first instance, you enjoyed yourself and breezed through the project effortlessly. Whereas in the second instance, you probably plodded through it all the while wishing you could do something else. What differed was the attitude towards the discipline required to complete the job in hand. In other words, the set of rules needed to be followed. In the first instance, you wanted to so you set down rules for yourself, maybe gave up some other activity to make time for this one and did the job. In the second instance, the deadline (a rule) has been set by someone else; the other accompanying instructions also come from someone else. So you found it a mountainous task and doing it became a chore. If you did complete it, it was because you had to in order to avoid dire consequences.

Modus operandi for successful and cheerful completion of a task
The next time you are faced with a task set by someone else, sit down and formulate the rules that you will function by yourself. If the deadline says Wednesday, let your deadline be Tuesday. And will you do it by Tuesday. Certainly after all who is laying down the rules? Look at any job that you handle as something you create. And can your creation ever be substandard? Never. Consider this facet too. What do you like better? Being cheerful or being grumpy? Cheerful certainly, and now that you have made a conscious decision to be cheerful you will enjoy working. Have you ever felt tired of being cheerful? Never, I guess, so try and make the mindset last for as long as possible. As outside circumstances are bound to effect you in some way you are bound to shift from your resolve at some point or the other. Rules to the rescue again, especially everytime you realise you are slipping into a mood that is not very conducive for completing your work. Remember you are going to set them.





How To Handle Interpersonal Relationships At Work

At the workplace we often need to synchronise, deal with and communicate with people whose actions, nature and probably their method of working too may not be to our liking. What do we then? Skirmishes and clashes are inevitable when two totally unlike persons need to interact frequently. One or the other is bound to feel miserable. This will undoubtedly result in a kind of work atmosphere that won't be very healthy. At times the unpleasantness involved can consume one's thoughts and actions completely. This in turn would affect performance and productivity adversely. So this is definitely a situation which needs to be ironed out in such a way that it benefits all those involved.

Be objective
Analyse such a situation objectively. When you dislike something about a person, take the time to reflect and find out what is that activates the negative feelings in you. Only unbiased and objective thinking will lead you to the answer – a particular behaviour of the person concerned. Our usual tendency is to shy away from all things unpleasant. So what we have probably done is ignored the first two or three encounters. And as long as we have not expressed a dislike or objection to the behaviour in question, it is bound to be repeated.

Here's what you can do:
Step one – Don't wait too long to make your point: Express your feelings at the first opportunity. A senior colleague whose guidance I, a newcomer, relied upon heavily asked me to pick her up on the way to work. She would inevitably run late and as a result both of us would arrive late for work, cutting a very sorry figure. Her profuse apologies every day ensured that I couldn't say anything but it would leave me seething with anger. I juggled so many things to reach work on time and did not like reporting for no fault of mine.

Step two – Talk: I finally decided to have a frank talk with her. I told her that I would stop and pick her if she was ready and standing outside her house. If not, I would drive by without stopping. To my surprise she nodded and the system worked with no change in any other facet of our relationship. On hindsight, this worked because she was in the wrong and was gracious enough to accept the fact.

Step three – Listen: I attribute much of the success to the fact that I asked her why she ran late every day and we discussed possible solutions, which worked on some days and on other days I would drive by without stopping. Make a sincere effort to sort things out and listen to the other's point of view. Be open to the idea that you may need to incorporate a few changes in yourself after listening to the other person's point of view. Like I did. I would at times call her up before leaving so that she could time herself accordingly. Earlier, I would have placed too much of emphasis on this phone call classifying it as waste of prime morning time.

When you are angry and upset
When you are upset, the tone of your voice and your actions convey this to a perceptive listener. Beware of this and compose yourself before launching into a discussion of something you find unpleasant. An angry outburst can only worsen a situation.

No public performances – the cardinal rule
Try to iron out differences in without it coming to the notice of others at your workplace. No one likes washing dirty linen in public; and, why should your colleague be any different especially if he or she is at fault. In fact, that you have chosen not to make it public, will make the other person view you in a favourable light.

Seniors may be taken into confidence if the matter is serious; the point to be considered however is the way you present the situation. Try and stick close to the facts without colouring it with your biases. If you have been wronged, you have a right to feel upset but remember you have responsibilities too.

While fixing blame, first look within
Have an open mind when you fix blame. Remember it takes two hands to clap. So could you also be at fault somewhere? Sudeep felt that Ramesh was forever taking credit for ideas that were originally his. Ramesh is at fault but then so is Sudeep. Why talk about your ideas to people it is not intended for? By doing so you expose yourself to the risk of the others taking credit for it.

Let us see another situation. Neha found that at weekly debriefing sessions, one of her colleagues would pick up an idea she had voiced. The colleague would then build upon the idea and walk away with the credit. A tricky situation, but solved admirably by Neha. She started giving her ideas in writing and following it up with a support document incorporating changes based on discussions in the meeting. This ensured that she got the credit for her ideas.

Know your rights
If you find nasty behaviour being directed at you at the workplace, make it clear that you don't like it and try to initiate an open-minded discussion for solving the problem. Remember no one is all bad or all good. Good and bad are facets of our personality. So it is highly possible that a colleague who is making you a target of negative emotions can be turned around. Also, make the effort to meditate on what characteristic, behaviour, mannerism or habit of yours could possibly bring out the negative reaction in the other. If possible, implement some changes in your behaviour and conduct too. The result is bound to be positive.

Be ready to cooperate
There may arise situations wherein others need to be brought into the picture. At such times, be ready to cooperate in solving the problem. Remember the ultimate goal is a better work atmosphere with optimum productivity. Your willingness to achieve this goal by being co-operative marks you out an asset to the organisation. This works in your favour, especially if you have been wronged.

If you are familiar with the Mahabharata you know that the Pandavas are characterised as 'good' and the Kauravas as 'bad'. Well, the Pandavas and the Kauravas are there within each of us. Be pragmatic enough to realise when you are a Kaurava – in the wrong and give in, and fight till the end when you are a Pandava – in the right. However, be careful not to hurt feelings of fellow workers, as you go along. You are not there to conquer your colleagues ruthlessly but to work together in an amicable atmosphere.



Happiness Is A Choice, Not A Happening


Does something you do make you happy or do you do something because you are happy? Tough question, right? It makes you go back and think about all the times that you have realised you have been happy. It makes you wonder what it was that you were happy about?

You may recall a particular incident that made you happy. Can you pinpoint whether the happiness preceded or followed the incident? In other words, was happiness the stimulus that made you do something or was it the response from something you did? There may be instances of both. What is important is that if happiness is a stimulus then the response to the stimulus should have a positive result.

You may have seen people citing a happy occasion like the birth of a child, a professional victory, etc., as an excuse to indulge in alcohol. This is certainly not a positive response and the outcome of this could be detrimental to health. It, therefore, beats the very purpose of being happy. Some find the happening of a happy event an adequate excuse to go overboard with spending. Why do you think this is so? This is a reaction that hopes to prolong the feeling of happiness.

Why is it that we think happiness is possible only after having done or achieved something? When we do this we are almost always in the pursuit of happiness, as man has an infinite number of desires. It will always be "I will be happy if …." And the latter part of the sentence will keep on changing.

So when is it that we are truly happy? Let us look at it this way. When you are performing a task, would you do it better if you were happy or unhappy? Certainly happiness would result in better performance. Have you noticed that people gravitate towards you when you exude a feeling of happiness and they leave you alone if you seem to be glum?

Make the choice consciously
The choice to be happy is in our own hands most of the time. Let your guiding thought be – happiness makes for better all round performance and better health too. And who doesn't want to be in good health and perform well too.

Basically, it is our attitude to the situations we encounter that makes all the difference. One should have a balanced outlook and not be easily upset by something that is not to one's liking. That does not mean that you accept anything and everything. It is very important to stand up for something you believe is right. Anything that is morally or ethically wrong should be protested against. But what is important is that any situation that does not turn out in your favour should not leave a residual feeling that spills unjustifiably into other situations.

A common comment heard among students is, "I have done well in my exam, however my marks depend upon the examiner's mood!" Turn it upon yourself and be honest, you will agree that when you take up a task while in a not so good mood it does affect performance.

There can be no one solution for the myriad situations that we all encounter. Unhappiness cannot be totally banished; it is a fact of life. However, what is possible is being able to handle it properly. Be clear about what has made you unhappy and try your utmost not to let that affect anything else.





Anger Management

Anger is a feeling that we experience often. It happens to all of us some time or the other – we express our anger, most often at near and dear, and on seeing the anguish it causes them we regret having expressed anger. Anger can be controlled and channelised positively. But in order to do that, you need to first identify what causes it. It could be a simple stimulant, but enough to upset your mental balance and leave you seething with anger.

Suppressed anger
We need to beware of suppressed anger. Suppressed anger can cause a person to flare up at the slightest provocation. This suppressed anger could be due to something that had happened years back. And when suppressed, the feeling only intensifies; it never abates.

The reason for anger being suppressed could be factors like fear, denial and ignorance among others. Once such anger is pinpointed, we can use rational thought processes to remove the negative import of such feelings.

The person who is unlucky enough to be at the receiving end of an outburst of anger which has its roots in suppressed anger will be totally bewildered, not knowing the cause of the outburst. And if the receiver is a child, the scars can last for a long time. So we should be very careful while handling situations with children that can lead to angry outbursts. And where children are concerned such situations abound.

Anger that is justified
It is not that anger is something bad that one should try to avoid getting angry at all costs. Anger is a reaction we experience in response to something not to our liking. And what we need to do is analyse our attitude and the reason why we do not like something. If it is something basically wrong, like for example anything undermining human decency, morals or ethics, then we have every right to be angry and upset. Very often expressing anger in such a situation helps, but remember control is essential at all times. Anger has a tendency to manifest itself in a physical form. This can hurt another person. Therefore even if you feel your anger is justified, exercise total control over yourself.

The main factor to be analysed in such a situation is the attitudes and convictions that we hold and which convince us about something being wrong. We should be able to sift matters in a controlled and unbiased manner, giving adequate allowances for the belief, attitudes and convictions of the other person, especially if there is a whole generation gap between the two. For example a teenager could be angry with his parents for not allowing him to go out for a New Year Eve bash and the parents could be angry with him for persisting and being adamant about it. Both would be right as per their own convictions. What would save the situation here is talking about the reasons for wanting to go and refusal of permission. There is no sure-fire formula for this; either the parents or the teenager would eventually give in for various reasons. If the giving in is based on an attitude of trust and understanding, it will take the relationship further on a firm footing. But if not handled properly, it could be the first among many other similar scenes. Is this what one wants in a personal relationship? Look inwards and take the first step at making things better.

Wounds left by anger

Be honest and you will agree that all of us nurture some anger 'wounds'. Scars left within ourselves because we were not able to get over a certain situation completely. The anger and resentment felt at the time leaves a residue that stays with us for a long time to come. Identify such 'wounds' and try to heal them. The only balm that will soothe such wounds is a positive approach. Tell yourself over and over again that it is not worth clinging on to such negative feelings.

Would you keep a rotting fruit in your kitchen? Definitely not. Equate your negative thoughts to the rotting fruit and 'throw' them out. Also try not to cause such wounds in others. These are time-tested recipes for controlling anger and thereby keeping

oh my god..such a big article..i didnt read it fully..but read in parts..and it was really cool..

tooooooooooo big...........................

Yah this is the complaint everytime...hahahahah

Very nice one, Shivsri. Whoever, came up with this list of do's and don'ts should be appreciated. Seems to cover all the situations in life.

Yah Rakesh ...ur rite da!

i did't read it full, but it is nice

Yah I know u cant read it fully....!